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Does this sound familiar?

You’re talking to a friend or family member back home, right?

They know you live abroad, have lived abroad, and/or travel for a living.

And, you now have your kids.

Maybe you talk on WhatsApp a lot, maybe they even have visited you somewhere along the way.

They’re curious, maybe even a little inspired by your lifestyle. Their eyes light up when you tell them how amazing your life is in another country, or on the road, or whatever it is. They love how your kids might speak multiple languages, can easily start a conversation with a new friend, and despite some shortcomings that all our kids may have, they’re adaptable.

They always like the pictures on your Instagram where you’re not even trying to flex; it’s just normal that you’re hanging out with elephants for the day or at a tropical island yet again.

But, then this person says something like:

“I love that journey for you. But, I could neeevveeeerr.”

And, we’ve been thinking about this more lately (mostly at night when the kids are asleep, or when we’re on a plane yet again).

While you understand why others might not be able to do this lifestyle, you don’t fully understand why you can.

Because even though it might be hard sometimes, it just comes so naturally to us.

Instead of craving the same stability, the unknown actually feels more exciting than scary.

That the idea of staying in one place forever actually feels more suffocating than having the option to get up and go whenever you want.

This has always been who we are. And, it’s not that we don’t crave — say — income stability or a community where we’re at. It’s just that other things take precedence.

(Last night, Max’s sister asked us if we ever plan to move back to the States. You never know what can happen, but it was a quick “no”.)

Anyway, for a long time — back in our Korea teaching days — we thought that this was going to be just a phase (or, maybe even a flaw, depending on who you asked).

But, the longer we’ve been on the road and the more we’ve met other families doing the same thing, the more we’ve started to wonder:

What if this isn’t random? What if we actually are wired a little differently?

While there might be the “travel bug”, science has found that there’s no single “travel gene”.

Sorry to disappoint you.

But there are patterns for the people like us.

Psychologists often talk about something called the Big Five personality traits, and one of them — Openness to Experience — keeps showing up in research on expats, long-term travelers, and people who choose “unconventional” paths — like raising your kids abroad.

And, people high in openness tend to:

A 2017 study in Personality and Individual Differences found that individuals who choose international sojourns—like living abroad—score significantly higher in openness to experience beforehand, with the trait increasing over time through exposure to new cultures.

So, it makes sense why people like us can never get enough even after having kids; we’ve realized this isn’t something we’re going to outgrow.

Let’s be real. Even if that person from back home (who may just be an imaginary person that represents society as a whole) says your life is cool, we all know there’s a hint of judgement in what they’re saying.

It’s not just that they “couldn’t do” what you do. It’s that, they wouldn’t. Period.

Just check out the Digital Nomad group on Reddit (filter for the keyword “Kids”)

(By the way, did you know we have a r/Roammies subreddit? If you have a thought on this, you can post here!)

Parents get so much shit for taking their kids on this journey.

Like, it’s okay if YOU do it, but come on, don’t bring the kids into it!

They need friends, they need routine, they need…blah, blah, blah.

And, while you’ll die on the hill that this lifestyle is the best option for your family, there’s a part of you that always wonders…maybe they’re right?

Maybe you are doing a disservice to your kid.

Maybe they’ll hate you in 30 years (read this story — and, fun fact, your kids may love or hate you regardless of whether or not you live abroad).

Well, don’t listen to that voice in your head.

Because it turns out that your “Openness to Experience” might actually be part of what makes you a good parent, after all.

Here’s why:

Psychologists sometimes call this uncertainty tolerance, which is your ability to function without needing everything to feel predictable or controlled. In fact, you may actually thrive in these circumstances.

And if you’ve ever:

You’ve built this muscle whether you realized it or not.

The same study found that tolerance of uncertainty moderates stress responses, with higher tolerance linked to reduced anxiety and better emotional regulation during ambiguous or unpredictable situations.

Which makes sense. Because when things go sideways (and they always do), you know how to adapt. And, this is a life skill your kids will pick up on.

(Not saying we’ve never had a panic attack or argument at the airport, but you know what we mean).

When you step outside your home culture, you start to see how much of parenting is mostly just inherited assumptions. Everything we know about…:

…is honestly just made-up. (Okay, they aren’t all made up, but there are different scientific backings and theories many of which are valid).

It doesn’t mean any place is necessarily wrong or right, but living abroad opens you up to different ways of thinking. And, you can pull what works for you and leave what you don’t.

Cross-cultural research (like Alison Gopnik's findings on parenting variability
and anthropological reviews of childrearing across cultures) shows there is no single “right” way to raise a child—just different systems that work in different contexts.And once you see that, you can’t unsee it.

Let’s go back to adapting for a second.

Living abroad with kids forces a kind of flexibility that doesn’t get talked about enough.

Like, when Portugal wasn’t working out for us, we had to be able to leave.

And, when we landed in Colombia, we had to get settled in.

This is an impossible thought for most people.

But, a 2018 study on expatriates in Frontiers in Psychology found that people living abroad develop higher levels of cognitive flexibility, enabling them to switch thinking patterns and adapt behaviors in new situations.

For those of us who parent in unfamiliar territory, this might mean:

And, this is kind of ‘gentle parenting’ on steroids if you think about it.

Yes, this life can feel unstable and uncertain sometimes.

It’s not always easy. Sometimes, it’s actually really effing hard.

And, it’s natural that you’ll have moments where you’re questioning everything you’re doing.

But, more often than not, you’re probably patting yourself on the back (if you haven’t done this today, do it now!).

And, in everything you might have left behind to give your kids this lifestyle, there is so much more that they are gaining.

Research backs this too. Studies on multicultural exposure in early childhood show links to increased empathy, creativity, and perspective-taking later in life.

We may be a bit '“strange”, but we’re also:

And, our kids will be, too.

Because these are just personality traits now. They’re parenting ones!

You might be a Roammies parent if:

If you’re nodding at most of these, congrats, you’re one of us!

If this one hit something for you, we’d love to hear:

When was the first time you realized you parent differently than people back home?

Email us at [email protected]! (Or, the subreddit!)